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I replied, "Look around — I'm one of three Black guys. But while the absence of queer POC-centric establishments is definitely an issue, many of the other Black men I see at gay bars around Manhattan and Brooklyn are booed up with white men.
Could we all be perpetuating internalized racism by consciously, or even unconsciously, excluding Black men and other men of color as romantic prospects? And in doing that, are we only reinforcing the politics of desire that deem Black people less attractive?
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When I read a recent essay by Michael Arceneaux, his words hit me hard. He questioned why Black men in particular want so desperately to be acknowledged as desirable by white men who have no interest in dating outside their race. He wrote, "As Blaco men, we need to value ourselves so much that no outside force, no prejudice — even one guised as preference — can make us feel second place. A larger conversation about the racist, fat-phobic, and misogynist language of gay dating apps has also begun, which has allowed me to see that my dating prospects may also be a result of problematic societal black men looking for white men.
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Thankfully, marginalized queer communities have started to call out those hurtful comments as acts of discrimination rather than statements of preference. All of this has shed a glaring light on my internal struggle.
Do you feel more attractive dating white men? How do you view yourself? These questions forced me to think critically about my intentions with the relationships I sought. The truth is, I am insecure about my Blackness — which is painful and embarrassing to admit.
As a dark-skinned Black man, I have faced both overt and subtle instances of racism from white gay men. Whiite can be frustrating, but also deeply enriching, to teach someone about my cultural upbringing.
But the older I get, the more I find myself wanting black men looking for white men partner who can relate to me without needing to be taught. There are also times when I feel like my white partners are trying to overcompensate for their whiteness.
They start social justice conversations, bringing up racism and homophobia almost as if they're trying to prove how down they are. Are they using me as an experimental phase?